July 2010
1 post
March 2010
2 posts
Things that Sound Deceptively Cute
1. Mumps
2. Bed bugs
3. Cuttlefish
4. Mogadishu
5. Andy Rooney
February 2010
5 posts
Photo Essay: Paperweights of Despair
When I was in third grade, I went to an art class once a week after school. I remember that year as a relatively carefree one for me, but maybe that was just because all of my more difficult feelings were being sublimated into the creation of these disturbing clay paperweight faces.
Dungeons & Dragons Prison Ban Upheld →
When the real revenge of the nerds happens, the judges on the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals will be the first to die.
December 2009
1 post
WatchMerry Christmas, everyone! This guy brightened my day on Christmas Eve as I was doing some last-minute shopping. I hope he brightens your day too.
September 2009
1 post
August 2009
2 posts
“I tried to do a chat with you, but it made an email.”
– My roommate Emalie, using Gchat for the first time in her life this morning, and revealing in the process that she is at least 35 years older than I thought she was.
June 2009
3 posts
Iranian television airing a Lord of the Rings... →
I’m not convinced that this is the right kind of TV marathon to lull people into staying home and not protesting a fraudulent election.
Maybe Iran should look to the US for tips on how to turn its people into mindless couch potatoes more effectively. I’d recommend going with a Road Rules/Real World Challenge marathon instead.
Excerpt from a conversation that happened during a...
Nathan: I'm really starting feel an affection for you two.
Louise: Wow, Nathan. That's really sweet.
Wally: Yeah, thanks, Nathan. I really care a lot about you guys too.
Nathan: Oh, I'm sorry. I was actually referring to the band U2.
May 2009
3 posts
My Cat is Famous →
My friend May happened upon this today and sent me the link. How did my cat get up there?!? I took this picture of him, but I certainly did not submit it to this completely insane website. Apparently Simon has been seeking out new representation behind my back.
April 2009
2 posts
Wanderlust
English doesn’t have a reputation for being the most beautiful language, but it has its moments. One of these moments for me is the word wanderlust. It’s the perfect word to describe that dizzying desire to go out into the world and randomly experience whatever comes your way.
So I was disappointed when Wikipedia informed me that wanderlust is a German word that literally translates...
Sean and Louise Discuss the $1 Coin
me: i like how the wikipedia article about dollar coins points out that susan b. anthony was "the first non-fictional woman" to appear on any currency
me: because the mint basically went back to fictional women with sacagawea
me: or semi-fictional
Sean: so who's next?
Sean: i'm kind of hoping they'll go with murphy brown
me: maybe eleanor roosevelt?
Sean: too gay
Sean: TOO REAL
me: oh right
me: betsy ross?
me: betsy crocker?
me: aunt jemima
me: maybe that's the key to this financial crisis!
me: the government can sell the branding rights to money
Sean: what would the mint do if the 99 cent store was the highest bidder?
March 2009
10 posts
Mick Fleetwood heard about Twitter for the first...
G-chat with G-Duck
GD: Why don't we have theme parties any more? Are we so old and boring?
me: hey, i have a blog. i am young and "with-it"
GD: ok already! I have an iphone. Does that count?
me: you do??
GD: Oh wait. I don't have an iphone but I do have a giant tennis racket
me: hmmm
GD: It's really going beyond "with-it"
“What have the Irish ever done for me besides blow things up?”
– Controversial response from my mom to my questions about why, as the editor of my elementary school’s PTA newsletter, she refused to include any seasonal clip art of shamrocks or leprechauns in the March issue.
What It Would Be Like To Be Friends With Jeopardy
You: Hey, what's up?
Jeopardy: This two-letter word for the opposite of down is also the title of a 2002 Peter Gabriel album.
You: Huh?
“You do have a lot going for you in interviews, being so presentable, articulate...”
– An excerpt from an email from my mom. Sometimes all you need to hear is that your mom doesn’t think you’re weird at all, regardless of what she apparently thinks of your chosen profession.
An Unimpressive 24 Hours
The following was my schedule for 12:00pm on March 2, 2009 through 12:00pm on March 3, 2009:
12:00pm: Realize “The Bachelor” season finale is on tonight, make vow NOT to watch
12:00pm-2:00pm: Do nothing
2:00pm-5:00pm: Take nap
5:00pm-7:30pm: Try to read, get sidetracked hypothesizing about possible outcomes for “The Bachelor”
7:30pm: Get tired of waiting, turn on TV
...
February 2009
18 posts
Behind The Crystal Curtain
Watching last night’s Academy Awards show was almost as uncomfortable as realizing your first lover was an illiterate Nazi.
The central joke of the opening number was basically, “The economy is so bad that the Academy had to cancel the big opening number, and instead Hugh Jackman built all the sets for the opening himself. See how adorably handmade and cheap they look!” ...
“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing Kevin Spacey to star in...”
– Cap’n Lou (via capnlou)
Protest Slogans
Protesting Petty Crime:
It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Thieve
Protesting Textiles:
It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Weave
Protesting Classic Television:
It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and The Beave
Protesting Butlers:
It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Jeeves
1 tag
Top 5 Rainy Day Songs
Stormy Weather
Rainy Days and Mondays
A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall
Purple Rain
It’s Rainin’ Men
I often hear people mock California for being so excitable about the rain, but I think these songs prove that rain IS exciting and can inspire all kinds of passionate feelings.
So I don’t mind if tonight, my local news is dominated by dramatic stories of people who...
US Mint Honors Lincoln's Bicenntenial With Four... →
Is this really an honor? The penny is terrible. Its metal value actually exceeds its face value. I routinely throw pennies in the trash to avoid dealing with them.
A more appropriate way to celebrate Lincoln’s bicentennial might be to take him OFF the penny altogether and replace him with a symbol of uselessness and squandered resources, like a picture of Kato Kaelin drinking a New Coke...
Happy 200th Birthday, Abraham Lincoln!
Since you’ve been gone, we’ve been busy thinking of meaningful ways to pay tribute to your life.
Depression?
Since the world recently discovered that it was broke, there has been a lot of talk about whether we are facing an economic depression. But is it possible that we have slipped into an emotional depression as well? Are we sad and empty? Experiencing loss of pleasure? Feeling worthless?
Answer: Yes.
Survey, Part 2
If Benjamin Button is a born an infant-sized old man and then ages backwards his whole life, by the time he dies of old age, you would expect him to be:
A) An infant-sized infant
B) An old-man-sized infant
Happy Groundhog Day!
It’s my favorite weather-related holiday. Set aside some time today to tell the weather enthusiast in your life how much he or she means to you.
January 2009
30 posts
Survey
By the end of “WALL-E,” how certain were you that the humans depicted in the film were doomed for extinction?
A. 96%
B. 97%
C. 98%
D. 99%
E. 100%
