January 2012
2 posts
December 2011
2 posts
September 2011
3 posts
1 tag
August 2011
1 post
May 2011
2 posts
“Osama Bin Laden” - a catchy little...
April 2011
5 posts
1 tag
“April is the cruelest month”
– April Fools prank victim T.S. Eliot, The Wasteland
March 2011
4 posts
Verbatim Phone Conversation Overheard at Atlas...
You’re coming apart at the seams, man. You gotta friend me on Facebook again. Yeah, let’s be friends again, because you got a lotta work ahead of you. You gotta put all those photos online, man. I’m gonna have lunch with your mom this week. Maybe you could stop by. Yeah, in the rain. Ain’t that aboutta bitch? And there’s a great Balkan party this weekend, so clear your schedule for...
Stuck on Lou Offends Meteorologist (link) →
On Farting Audibly in Public
A few years ago, I made an interesting discovery:
I can fart audibly almost anywhere, and as long as it isn’t a comically loud stunt fart, no one notices. I’ve tested this out in various contexts; I’ve never seen anyone miss a beat.
I think this is because everyone assumes that a respectable lady in her 30’s such as myself doesn’t flagrantly fart in public. ...
You Don't Fool Me, James Franco
James Franco’s regrettable performance at the Oscars last night reminded me of myself in high school.
I was in band because I sincerely loved playing music, but I was also painfully aware of how uncool band was. So whenever we performed at school, I compensated by slouching in my chair and wearing an expression on my face that I hoped said, “Sorry, guys. I don’t even know what...
February 2011
3 posts
January 2011
1 post
July 2010
1 post
March 2010
2 posts
Things that Sound Deceptively Cute
1. Mumps
2. Bed bugs
3. Cuttlefish
4. Mogadishu
5. Andy Rooney
February 2010
5 posts
Photo Essay: Paperweights of Despair
When I was in third grade, I went to an art class once a week after school. I remember that year as a relatively carefree one for me, but maybe that was just because all of my more difficult feelings were being sublimated into the creation of these disturbing clay paperweights.
Dungeons & Dragons Prison Ban Upheld →
When the real revenge of the nerds happens, the judges on the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals will be the first to die.
September 2009
1 post
August 2009
2 posts
“I tried to do a chat with you, but it made an email.”
– My roommate Emalie, using Gchat for the first time in her life this morning, and revealing in the process that she is at least 35 years older than I thought she was.
June 2009
3 posts
Iranian television airing a Lord of the Rings... →
I’m not convinced that this is the right kind of TV marathon to lull people into staying home and not protesting a fraudulent election.
Maybe Iran should look to the US for tips on how to turn its people into mindless couch potatoes more effectively. I’d recommend going with a Road Rules/Real World Challenge marathon instead.
Excerpt from a conversation that happened during a...
Nathan: I'm really starting feel an affection for you two.
Louise: Wow, Nathan. That's really sweet.
Wally: Yeah, thanks, Nathan. I really care a lot about you guys too.
Nathan: Oh, I'm sorry. I was actually referring to the band U2.
May 2009
3 posts
My Cat is Famous →
My friend May happened upon this today and sent me the link. How did my cat get up there?!? I took this picture of him, but I certainly did not submit it to this completely insane website. Apparently Simon has been seeking out new representation behind my back.
April 2009
2 posts
Wanderlust
English doesn’t have a reputation for being the most beautiful language, but it has its moments. One of these moments for me is the word wanderlust. It’s the perfect word to describe that dizzying desire to go out into the world and randomly experience whatever comes your way.
So I was disappointed when Wikipedia informed me that wanderlust is a German word that literally translates...
Sean and Louise Discuss the $1 Coin
me: i like how the wikipedia article about dollar coins points out that susan b. anthony was "the first non-fictional woman" to appear on any currency
me: because the mint basically went back to fictional women with sacagawea
me: or semi-fictional
Sean: so who's next?
Sean: i'm kind of hoping they'll go with murphy brown
me: maybe eleanor roosevelt?
Sean: too gay
Sean: TOO REAL
me: oh right
me: betsy ross?
me: betsy crocker?
me: aunt jemima
me: maybe that's the key to this financial crisis!
me: the government can sell the branding rights to money
Sean: what would the mint do if the 99 cent store was the highest bidder?
March 2009
10 posts
Mick Fleetwood heard about Twitter for the first...
G-chat with G-Duck
Garrick: Why don't we have theme parties any more? Are we so old and boring?
me: hey, i have a blog. i am young and "with-it"
Garrick: ok already! I have an iphone. Does that count?
me: you do??
Garrick: Oh wait. I don't have an iphone but I do have a giant tennis racket
me: hmmm
Garrick: It's really going beyond "with-it"
“What have the Irish ever done for me besides blow things up?”
– Controversial response from my mom to my questions about why, as the editor of my elementary school’s PTA newsletter, she refused to include any seasonal clip art of shamrocks or leprechauns in the March issue.
What It Would Be Like To Be Friends With Jeopardy
You: Hey, what's up?
Jeopardy: This two-letter word for the opposite of down is also the title of a 2002 Peter Gabriel album.
You: Huh?
“You do have a lot going for you in interviews, being so presentable, articulate...”
– An excerpt from an email from my mom. Sometimes all you need to hear is that your mom doesn’t think you’re weird at all, regardless of what she apparently thinks of your chosen profession.
