January 2009
30 posts
Survey
By the end of “WALL-E,” how certain were you that the humans depicted in the film were doomed for extinction?
A. 96%
B. 97%
C. 98%
D. 99%
E. 100%
A Conversation That Really Happened Between Me and...
Me: I wonder what pee and poo taste like.
Russell: I've tasted pee and poo.
Me: Really? What does pee taste like?
Russell: Salty.
Me: What does poo taste like?
Russell: Needs salt.
Top 3 DC Metro Stops That Sound Like Names For...
reblogged from seankeane:
Forest Glen
Grosvenor Strathmore
Farragut North
Louise’s Top 5 DC Metro Stops That Sound Like Locations in Middle Earth:
Crystal City
Dunn Loring Merrifield
Deanwood
Fort Totten
Rosslyn
Inaugural Text Message Exchange With Garrick
Me: Now we're at a bar in Adams Morgan. CNN is on for the parade, it's wearm, and we're in a booth, so we'll probably have a few drinks here.
Garrick: When you say wearm are you speaking in elvin or hobbish?
Me: Oh sorry, that's a word from the secret language I speak with my unborn twin.
Garrick: I have spoken to your unborn twin and she wants me to tell you that she has a blog called stuck in lou.
More Ways to Meet Your Soul Mate from John Gray,...
After the first three tips (see previous post), John Gray’s list of “101 Ways to Meet Your Soul Mate” just devolves into total insanity. Some examples:
14. In a restaurant, a woman should get up several times and walk to the restroom so that a man can see her and be interested.
Nope. No one gets turned on by noticing that someone has had to use the bathroom “several...
Bad Advice from John Gray, "Ph.D"
Because my dream job is to write an advice column and/or be an advice-giving radio personality, I get enraged when I see other people making a good living off of giving really bad advice.
For example, John Gray, Ph.D, the author of the best-selling Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus series, gives some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard. At the end of his totally ridiculous book Mars...
Sean and Louise discuss a news story about a...
Sean: are the other children old enough to remember witnessing the murder of their sister?
me: no
me: they are 2
me: you can't squeeze any info out of a 2 year old
Sean: you're right
Sean: and believe me, i've tried
Sean: good cop/bad cop, nothing
Sean: good cop/silly cop works on occasion
Sean: and silly cop/silly cop, while a lot of fun, almost entirely unproductive
A Surprising Discovery
A Google image search for “a body like Arnold with a Denzel face” does not return a single picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body with Denzel Washington’s face photoshopped onto it. C’mon, Internet!
Martha's Thoughts on Swallowing a Tooth
I’m sorry you got shafted, but the idea of swallowing a tooth gives me the heebie-jeebies.
— A comment from Martha in response to my post about swallowing a baby tooth in kindergarten and therefore being denied my tooth money
Martha’s comment is very similar to the in-person reaction I got from Davy. What is so creepy about swallowing a tooth?
One hypothesis I have is that...
Sean and Louise discuss Belle & Sebastian frontman...
me: chronic fatigue syndrome would be the worst thing ever
me: because everyone just thinks you’re lazy
me: and weak
Sean: louise, maybe i have chronic fatigue syndrome
me: i think the amount of emailing you do at 4am undermines that hypothesis
Sean: excessive sweating is a symptom
Sean: occasional low-level headaches
Sean: feeling tired when you wake up
Sean: it all makes sense now
me: forgetfulness and poor short-term memory
me: that rules you out, sean
me: brain fog? doesn't sound like you
Sean: goddammit, i am never going to be a singer-songwriter now
me: use the sweating, sean
me: it's your cross to bear
Sean: i'm bringing sweaty back
Sean: it's like a furnace under my backpack
Sean: in dryness, it's the opposite of iraq
Sean and Louise discuss learning to play bridge
me: i would like to learn, but i think you really have to learn from someone who knows how to play
me: like i don't know if 4 of us could just get together with a bridge rule book and teach ourselves
Sean: it's like polyamory in that way
According to Forbes Magazine, my hometown of... →
As the daughter of (middle class) immigrants (from England), I am proud to be the first person in my family to earn an advanced (masters) degree. The American dream really does come true!
It’s not so much a “rags to riches” story as a “clothes-bought-at-the-mall to no-discernable-increase-in-earning-potential” story.
My cats have a New Years party! →
Every single thing Martha Stewart does makes me swoon/sends me into a jealous fit. If only I could get my cat to wear an illuminated New Years bowtie!